Cirque du Freak Steve's Apology
by thief-uchia
Summary: Spoilers for book 12. Gannen and Vancha found something very important. Something very true... oneshot


I don't own.

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Spoiler for book 12

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Gannen Harst screamed. There was no other word in this world to discribe it better than scream. He was screaming. But Gannen never screamed. He wasn't like his brother, Vancha, to loose his cool so easily. But tonight, he had a good reason to scream. His scream was of relief. He was finally free of his Lord. His sly and awfully irratating Lord who died tonight. Gannen was screaming, wordlessly, but his scream spoke of a sentence. _I'm Free!_

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And to think that was a year ago... 

Gannen Harst sighed heavily. He still couldn't forget that night. The night of red blood and darkness. The night that would've changed the whole world as we knew it... if it wasn't for a certain Vampire Prince. That night was also the same night he and his brother had refound their brothery bond. The sam night that his Lord died. That his brother's Prince died.

He was currently back at the stage. The stage that his Lord had stubbornly insisted on using. It was more ruined than anything. Out of rage, the vampanezes had destroyed most of it. Gannen didn't blame them. And he certainly wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for that fool that he called his brother.

Vancha had argued. Saying that Gannen just had to come. Because there's something here that they've all missed seeing. Something very important, according to Evanna, and that has nothing but the truth inside.

But there was no sign of the uncouth Vampire Prince.

Slowly, Gannen walked through the stage. Reliving memories he wished again and again he could forget. That's where he and his Lord had stood. That's where the snake-boy had droped dead to the ground. And-

Gannen looked down at his feet. He almost groaned in disbelief. How could he have missed it? Vancha had spat here! Vancha was here!

Grimancing at his now wet feet, Gannen walked on, searching for his brother.

"Hey Gannen! Down here!"

"Vancha?"

Gannen looked down with awe. There's a trap door on the stage! Vancha was down there, motioning Gannen to come down.

He looked around the stage. Nothing changed. The memories still lingered in the air, heavy.

Gannen jumped down to his brother.

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"So what did you find?" 

"Well... the thing is... I... um..."

"Spit it out!"

Vancha spat on the floor.

Gannen gramanced again, _Why's my brother so idiotic?_ "I meant to tell me the info."

Vancha made an "oh" sound and pulled out an envolope. "This."

Gannen blinked. The envolope looked old. It was yellow and burnt here and there. The envolope had been opened and a piece of paper stuck out of it.

"This is what I found," Vancha handed his brother the piece of paper. It was folded in threes. Then he smiled sheepishly. "Do you mind reading this for me?"

"You called me to read a letter?" Gannen didn't even try to hide his disbelief.

Being with the Vampaneze Lord, who was way more educated than himself, Gannen had learned how to read and write.

"But Evanna said it's really important!"

"Why would reading a piece of paper be important?"

"How am I suppose to know what goes on in that woman's mind? She breeds frogs, for charna's sake!"

"Fine. Fine. Let me see this letter."

Gannen snatched the letter away from his brother. He opened the letter and began to read, studering at first since he wasn't used to reading this style of writing.

_**To Gannen:**_

_**If you are reading this now, it means I'm dead because Darren killed me. Or perhaps I just decided to let you read it. Or maybe you aren't Gannen. But that's all fine by me. Whoever you are, just get this to Gannen. I'm pretty sure he'll know what to do with it.**_

_**Well... how do I start? I guess I should tell you the whole truth, not the elvin truth that I've been giving everyone. But, most likely, you won't believe me. But you know what, I don't care. Writing this makes me understand more about myself.**_

**_First of all, I hate myself._**

**_You might not have realized it during our travel together since I was always obsessing over Darren and Crepsley, but I really do hate myself. I've hated myself ever since I figured out how I was born to this world. My father and mother never loved me. Heck, they only knew each other for about one night! And they had me for money and pleasure. Of course, my mother never told him. Chances are, she doesn't even know who he is or if he's even alive at all. I was born to a world where no one wanted me. Then along comes Darren, who gave me a chance. A friend. And you know what, I destroyed that friendship. I knew I would be when I told him I'd kill him. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't controll myself. I invented fantasy stories about him and Crepsley just to justify the way I was acting. The acts that I somehow couldn't controll. But this whole time, I knew the truth. Darren sacrisifed his human life, his normal, loving life, just to save me. _**

**_Second of all, Evanna told me._**

**_She told me about the outcome of the last battle. If I win, I'll become the Lord of Shadows, doomed to destroyed the world as we know it. If Darren wins, he'd be the Lord of Shadows. From the way she said it, I could tell she wanted me to kill Darren. That way, Darren would just die and go to Paradise. So that he doesn't have to become the most hated thing in this world. That way, if I was to somehow die, I'll end up trapped on this earth. Not Darren._**

**_Third of all, I have a son._**

**_I didn't tell you this because I thought I didn't deserve a son. And because I am ashamed of myself. Annie was such a nice girl. She didn't know it was just part of my sinister scheme to get back at Darren. I never wanted to get her pregnant. I didn't want that. I didn't expect that. I just wanted to use Annie to harm Darren. But then I realized the truth. I can never use her to harm Darren. So I chased her away with cruel words. I'm still not quit sure if that was the right thing to do, but maybe, she'll never have such a heartache ever again._**

**_Lastly, I want to tell you how wonderous you are to me._**

**_You never really realized it, but you are the main reason that I'm fighting now in this war. This is my way of thanking you. I'm not sure if you remember, but you saved me, that night, in the cold, bitter blizard. I never really did thank you for that. So I went on fighting, thinking it'll make you happy. But it never did, did it? I just bossed you around without much care. And I'm a monster, I know that. But you stuck by my side, out of fear of death. It never fails to pain me. That everyone around me is just fearing me. It's always that way for me. And I fear that it'll always be that way for me._**

**_Sometimes, I wonder what it'll be like if I hadn't become your Lord. Most of time, I imagine myself being dead, sucked clean out of blood. i wonder what life would've been like if I never went with Darren to the Cirque. Would I not be a Vampaneze Lord? Would I not be so twistedly evil as I am now? Would Darren and I still be friends? But the past cannot be changed. Only the future. Be careful out there, in the real world, without me. _**

**_Steve L._**

**_Ps.. Tell Morgen that his pie was delicious!_**

**_Pps... Thank you for being by my side._**

Gannen slowly lowered the letter. His eyes were watery, but he didn't cry. It wasn't his style.

"Funny, I've always seen him as a monster. A cold-hearted monster that fed on human emotions. A monster of hate and anger. A monster that... that..." he couldn't finsh his sentence.

"As did I."

And Gannen Harst screamed. Last time he screamed, it was of relief that his Lord was dead. But now that he had finally found the truth... Gannen Harst screamed of pure sorrow. His scream was wordless as before, but this time, it screamed a sentence. _My Lord is dead!_


End file.
